People with substance use disorder like
We think we're perpetually unique.
All our stories are different but like all the feelings are the same.
There's always that despair and that loss and that sense of disconnection. If we hold on to those they'll keep us sick forever.
I'd like to say I had a pretty regular childhood, but um...
I didn't realize it but my parents were heavily using crack cocaine. I just remember like the scene at my house
delusional stuff from my stepfather...
Like we if we left the house he'd put masking tape on the doors and
Baby powder...
Like booby traps because he thought people were going into our house.
No one cared if I went to school...
No one cared if I came home.
I Remember being in my house like in my window and watching them take my little brother's away, which was really hard for me.
I became pretty angry, frustrated...
Like I think a lot of it was I just didn't understand what was going on.
Like I thought I had to be with my mom. I wanted to take care of her.
It was pretty much a crack house at that point. There was no food. There's never anything.
I just had gotten to a point in my life where like being anybody but me was good.
One day I opened up the kitchen cabinet and there was crack pipes in there and I tried it.
I started smoking crack cocaine...
Um...Got myself in a world of trouble. I was arrested for distribution of...
Cocaine as federal charges I spent several years in prison.
Throughout that time.
I'd get out and I always had that same pit...
I always had that same pit in me that like I could never figure out what was missing in my life...
I was just like...defeated.
There's no explanation for that relief when you finally just thrown your hands up, because we can try like...
Over and over to figure this thing out...
Or somebody had to know how this thing called life was supposed to work, and I sure as hell didn't...
So when I was finally able to accept that and like...
Take steps to like allow others in that my life just completely changed.
I always identified as like a junkie or a crackhead or...
A felon. Like I let those words define who I was and the steps I was willing to take in my life and...
Every time I would bring stuff like that up. I was challenged with why not you? Like what stops you from...
Taking that next step in life? It's definitely like yeah, why not? Any of us can do anything.
Today is very different. I now identify as a strong woman in recovery. We can all recover
DJ’s Story: You Can Change and Live the Life You Want
Transcript of video:
DJ’s Story: You Can Change and Live the Life You Want
I come from a great home. As a child growing up...
I had a lot of love, which is gonna make the rest of my story that much more remarkable, where I ended up.
When you're an addict you're trying to pull away from your family values, you become something that you that you really not.
My name is DJ.
My real name is Dwayne Johnson, and I'm not the rock, but that's what they call me.
There was a lot of pressure put on me from the get, you know...
When I was very young my brother passed away with spinal meningitis.
I think my dad had looked upon me as what he would have done with my brother maybe.
I grew up playing Little League. My parents were hard on me about perfection with sports. My dad was a coach.
I put a lot of pressure on myself because of that.
As popular as I may have been, I still found a need to always be accepted. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin.
I wasn't and I had to be somebody else. I think drugs helped me get through that and sometimes feel better...
About myself. I was excelling at sports. I was being scouted by the Cubs.
I always wanted to be a pro baseball player and I was this close. It was more important to me to get high.
All the things that I never wanted to be...
I became. I hurt a lot of people, mainly my family, and my mother was scared of me.
My mother was physically scared of her own son.
I was just going to get drugs and I was yelling at her to get money because I had to use that night.
And I had to take try to take from her. it was....
Sorry....
Whoo, I mean this is what drugs do to you man.
I love my mom and dad, but I didn't care at that moment about what that woman was feeling.
I was getting worse and worse. I was stealing from people just being a bad guy man.
You know, it finally came to fruition and I and I got ahead and I had to go to prison.
I was a scariest day of my life, for my parents, for me...
As tough as I thought I was.
So when I got out my dad had cancer, and I think because of my dad getting ready to pass, I knew it was coming...
I knew he was sick...
I ended up, you know going back out and started using cocaine again and probably about more than I ever did before.
When he passed it was tough to watch. To the day he closed his eyes...
He was still worried about if I was gonna be alright.
And that hit me hard.
That makes drugs a very powerful thing. To the point where you come from where I come from, from the family that I come from...
and still end up the way I did is....
I Was homeless, I was penniless and I was walking through Walmart, which is about five miles away in the dead of winter.
To try to steal something so I could get money. That night me and my my wife now...
We just looked at each other and we said what are we doing? I've had enough.
And I was at a meeting the next day...
And I went there straight for 90 days.
But my first year of recovery...
was really just coming out of the fog...
And getting my "who I was" and "what I wanted to do," and I started taking...
Responsibility for who I was, and I never done that in my entire life. I am now a college graduate with honors.
I got married. I have a home.
I Have a job that I love, I run the Babe Ruth program. I absolutely love coaching kids. I love it.
I love watching them grow. I hope that they can see where I came from.
You know, you're feeling alone, you're feeling like you can't make it, or you can't change or people are telling you that.
That's not true. It's not true at all. I mean you can change, you can do whatever you want me and I mean...
I went back to college at forty eight years old.
Everybody and everything is capable of becoming an addict, or it affecting you, no matter who you are. There is hope.
My name is IRA and I am in recovery.
I'm recovering from gambling and drugs.
I grew up in Chicago.
I'm the youngest, there was nine of us, but you know some passed away as I got older.
There was a lot of drugs, there was a lot of gambling.
I realized that wasn't for me. So when I graduated high school I left.
You know, I went to the military, but when I came back home, it was the same thing. Same in's and out's, in's an out's.
I started cooking, you know the drugs for my family and eventually started using.
Which led me on a downward spiral.
I was very functional. I mean I went to work every day...
But all while I was at work, I thought about "what horse am I going to bet on tonight?"
"What car game am I going to find tonight?" "Who am I gonna go buy my dope from?"
And it just went on and on, you know, I didn't care about anybody except for me.
And I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I didn't think I was a bad person.
I went to work every day. I paid my bills every day.
I could spend this money the way I want to spend it and I would disappear for eight, nine days at a time.
Turn my phone off. This is my time. This is me.
I didn't get clean until I was 44 years old, and that's when I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I have to get real with myself. I honestly had to accept...
what I had done to myself and the other people. When I first started to get clean, that's when the shame hit me.
I keep a little bit of that shame with me all the time.
It's a video that I roll in my head
You know, I play that video in my head because the shame that I see is to hurt that I caused.
So that shame and that guilt, they say that you're not supposed to hold on to it...
I hold on to that a little bit because it reminds me that I never want to be that person again.
My son and my daughter...
they're really happy...
To get to know their dad all over again.
Today I'm just grateful for the presence of mind that I have now.
You know, I don't have to live like that anymore.
And I don't have to make them live like that either. I'm living my best life now, man.
Andy’s Story: Before Recovery, His World Felt Small
Transcript of video:
Andy’s Story: Before Recovery, His World Felt Small
I have a tendency to like take things too far.
My drugs of choice would be heroin, alcohol, suboxone...
benzos, coke, meth...
GHB, and nitrous.
Yeah, so I'm Andy I'm an addict. I don't remember a whole lot of my life.
But um growing up seemed like everybody else's life. You know, I played soccer I um...
Roller skated all the time. It was a great childhood.
Definitely a household with like a lot of love, but I'm the only addict in my family. I never really seen anybody else use drugs.
So for me to start using drugs, you know that just instantly creates a disconnect.
It's like at that point...
It's like I don't know what to talk to them about cause it's like all I want to talk about his drugs and getting high.
And then just a lot of sneaky behaviors come with the territory, you know.
I Was around 14, 15, that's when I found alcohol and I loved that, you know.
Cause I can tend to be like a I like a wicked shy person.
When I was drinking though...
Like I don't feel like that. I didn't hold back as much. I just I felt like the life of the party, you know.
I started smoking weed, and then started selling weed
eating ecstasy daily, and then a good amount of the time eating mushrooms and acid, and adderall and...
coke and stuff.
I Don't know, it got out of hand real quick. I caught my first...
distribution case. Court the next day...
It was like, you know the first time that my parents had to see me in shackles, you know.
But at the time I just went about business as usual thinking like "I don't know why everyone's so mad."
"I'm only hurting myself," you know, and it just kept progressing from there.
I got introduced to heroin. I just decided to shoot dope one day.
After that, I was like, all right, you know
I'll try all those other pill things too, like the OC's, and the Percs, and the Morphine and Dilaudid and stuff.
And uh, I don't know just using the needles like a whole a whole different addiction.
There was times I...
Shot up water just because I wanted to stick myself with something.
Like I'm an addict so it's like if I if I like something like I'm gonna do it 24/7.
You know my friends didn't really want to be a part of that...
Cause another one of our friends had died and they're like...
"Oh, if you do that you're gonna die and we don't want to be around when you do." you know.
What worked for me like a big game changer..
Was I caught another couple cases, and they're offering me a one to three, or I could do this 90 day program.
But 90 days is like a long time to not get high, you know longer than I'd ever gone and uh, you know...
So it took me seven months, but I did graduate that 90 day program, and then I just kind of just stayed clean.
I really like this life, you know.
Now that I've removed drugs from my equation, I have more to talk about.
Before like my world was really small because like something the size of my thumbnail dictated my every action.
What do you do without drugs and I've come to find out that the answer is..
Anything. I go surfing, I go snowboarding. I'll go bowling or play pool. You know, I make music.
I've been to more concerts these past couple years than I did like the last eight years of me using.
Life is really better than anything I could have imagined. Literally like I got everything that I ever wanted.
There's recovery events and stuff where I get to play live music every month, you know, and now just having...
That connection with my family and I have some real relationships in my life.
All my relationships were just conditional based on what you could do for me, but like now it's like I've learned to..
Care about others, you know, and that's a beautiful thing.
Fay’s Story: Learning to Love Herself All Over Again
Transcript of video:
Fay’s Story: Learning to Love Herself All Over Again
I have been in recovery for five years.
I'm a mom of two kids. I'm very passionate about my children, family is everything to me and...
That was what pushed me to get sober.
I was the youngest out of four kids, we moved almost every year of my entire life.
My father was an alcoholic.
My whole life there was always something happening to him. He was always in the hospital or on his way to the hospital.
We're all brought up to be his caregivers.
My mother was kind of more there for him than she was us kids.
We really had to watch out for each other at that point.
It was hard on me as I'd imagine it would be on any other child.
At 13, 14 years old got my first job working at a pizza shop.
I was on the cheerleading team.
I really aspired to go pro. My passion was also a hair and makeup. So my dream was cosmetology.
Everything ruined that for me.
I was prescribed Vicodin and Tramadol to tackle...
Period cramps. And then I realized that I liked the feeling I got when I took it.
That is what started my story with addiction.
15 years old up until 18 taking Vicodin, Tramadol, all those...
Prescriptions I was pushing into my body. One day they told me nope...
We can't prescribe you or even see you as a patient anymore because I had just turned 18. At that point...
I was already an addict.
I dropped out of high school. I was drinking heavily, partying with everybody I could, and that's what introduced me into crack and cocaine.
I gave up on everything that I had ever wanted to do in my life, and I ended up getting a job at a club...
As a dancer because it was the only thing that could pay for my alcoholism and my addiction to everything else.
I was taking really anything I could get my hands on at that point. It was the only thing that somewhat number the pain.
I was 21 was when I was going to try getting sober.
I moved all the way across the country...
And just because you move somewhere else doesn't mean these things aren't...
Accessible. it's the same thing. Just a different state, same stories. Same people.. different location.
I found out I was pregnant...
Decided you know, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do it right. I was told my whole life that I wouldn't amount to anything...
And I wanted to give her a better life than I could ever have imagined for myself.
Self-acceptance...
When I say self-acceptance, the first thing I think is really...
Accepting everything about me.
So it took a lot of growing in my own skin, and learning to love me all over again.
Today I am grateful, um
That I have been sober and drug free
For almost 2 years.
So growing up, my mom had an abusive boyfriend.
It really took a toll on my mom, my sister, and I.
My sister and I had been put into...
a foster home.
Where there was more sexual abuse, physical...
and emotional abuse.
I remember this need to kind of...
Not want to be in this reality or this world.
I tried to hang myself with a coat hanger...
At the age of 8.
And in the 5th grade I dealt with some bullying.
And always had this feeling inside of me
Like I didn't fit in, and I didn't belong here.
I really felt like the world was stacked against me.
Going into 9th grade, that summer...
Is when I started experimenting with drugs. Percocet.
It trumped all the other recreational drugs that I was using.
At that point I thought I had arrived. I had found my way of being accepted.
And fitting in.
And it kind of took off...
Into... selling. I had ended up calling my older brother.
He collected a motorcycle...
Which this dealer had owed me.
The next night we had gotten a phone call, and I've never heard anyone scream...
Quite like I heard my mom.
My brother had tragically passed away.
I instantly felt...
So much guilt that I didn't know what to do with it.
And the best way that I knew how to cope at this moment...
Was to self medicate.
I had picked up 7 felonies.
I just remember sitting down with my...
Public defender, and being faced with the reality...
That each one of these charges carried a total of
22 to 40+ years.
In 2008 I went to prison.
The prison system actually did save my life.
It allowed me a space to heal.
I got out on probation and parole in 2009.
Within the first week I had my job, had a place to live.
Was going to uh...
12 step recovery meetings. Had a sponsor.
I had separated myself from everything in my lifestyle...
And just started fresh.
Recovery has given me to ability to see
That even in my challenges, there is growth...
There is opportunity.
what makes me happy today is knowing that I don't have to worry about who am
I gonna go buy my dope from knowing that my kids aren't worried about me anymore
anybody can recover
I let fear hold me back
fear that I might be different, I might be broken
that fear is what prevented me from getting help
definitely reach out for help
Everybody is capable of becoming an addict no matter who you are
If you are feeling alone...like you can't make it
If people are telling you that,
it's not true
today, identify as a strong woman
in recovery I always identified as like a junkie or a felon and let those words define who I was
when I was finally able to accept treatment
my life just completely changed
why not you
like what stops you from taking that next step in life
we can all recover
you are never alone and never far from help
I come from a great home which is gonna make the rest of my story that much more remarkable
when you're an addict he's trying to pull away from your family values
I always wanted to be a pro baseball player and I was this close
it was more important to me to get high
I was homeless and my mother was scared of me
in a moment of whatever you want to call it
we just looked at each other and we said what are we doing
I've had enough
by reaching out and asking for help was the best thing I ever did
you're never alone and you're never far from health
I went to the military
I came back and I started using
I was very functional but all while I was at work
I thought about
who am I gonna go buy my dope from
which led me on a downward spiral
I didn't get clean until I was 44 years old
but now my life there's no greater feeling in the world to me
to help somebody that's like me you know
especially veterans
you're never alone
and never far from help
Andy’s Story: Removing Drugs from the Equation Opened the Door to Real Relationships
Transcript of video:
Andy’s Story: Removing Drugs from the Equation Opened the Door to Real Relationships
what do you do without drugs?
the answer is anything
I started using relatively young when I was introduced to heroin
got out of hand real quick
if I liked something like I'm gonna do it 24/7
I don't know why everyone's so mad, I'm only hurting myself
what worked for me
I've removed drugs from my equation
I've learned to care about others
I really like this life
you are never alone
never far from help
you're not alone
there's many people that have walked this path before you
I was prescribed Vikidin and trimitall to tackle period cramps
that is what started my story with addiction
I found out I was pregnant
at that point I was
already an addict
there is amazing resources that can help moms with anything that they're struggling with
you are never alone or far from help
Alex’s Story: You’re Never Alone, There’s Always Help
Transcript of video:
Alex’s Story: You’re Never Alone, There’s Always Help
Recovery has given me that even with me challenges there is growth and opportunity
My name is Alex and I have been sober and drug free for several years.
Growing up there was physical and emotional abuse
I remember this need to not want to be in this reality
and I started experimenting with drugs.
In recovery, that is where i found my hope.
You are never alone and never far from help
